Goodness Gracious

 So much for chuggin that 32oz Gatorade before I went to the doctor to get blood drawn.. It didn't help. We barely got any blood. The nurse was like "I know you have blood in you, I'm sitting here talking to you." lol I'm beginning to think I don't have blood  or veins for that matter. I was stuck 4 times this time and had to have warm compresses again which didn't help. I love the nurse that does it though.. so it doesn't make it too bad.. She's sweet and sympathetic. I feel sorry for her though. She probably cringes when she has to come get me in the waiting room.. lol! The reason I'm still getting blood work done is because they are still testing my levels to make sure my levels go down since I miscarried.. praying they do and I dont have to have a D&C..

I still have my moments. I was in Dollar General with Kobe who was spending his profit from our yardsale, and I walked by the baby section and went to grab a onesie to buy.. only to get this feeling in my heart when I quickly remembered I had no reason to buy it anymore.. then the tears flowed.. I hung out in the shoe section while I gathered my self and wiped the tears away.. I have been having awful dreams too.. I had a dream I went to the bathroom and there was TONS of blood and in the toilet was a clear sac with a dead baby in it :( hopefully I'll stop having those dreams and cry sessions soon..

Also Kobe handled it fine.. he just doesn't really get it I don't think... When I told him "Mommy doesn't have a baby in my belly anymore." he asked why? I told him God needed that baby to be with him.. he then asked if I can get a different baby in there.. I told him to ask God in his prayers if he'll put another baby in there.. he then asked.. "So can we get another cat since you aren't pregnant?" so I think he's fine :) I've learned my lesson.. I will NOT tell anyone especially Kobe that I'm pregnant until Im in the "clear" next time.. I got ahead of myself.. but I was just soooo excited.. it was something I prayed, hoped and tried to hard for ;) I never once thought "I might miscarriage" O-well You live and you learn... "Life's a dance, you learn as you go"