July 5th, 2012

So today about 3:16pm I got a call from the doctor's office that my labs showed a major decrease in my pregnancy hormone levels which means I miscarried :( My heart is seriously shattered.. I know there was a reason this baby didn't make it but my heart doesn't understand.. I'll admit I selfishly asked Why? Why me? How come? I know you aren't supposed to question God.. But I would still like and answer. I know I will never know the reason.. I know that there WAS indeed a reason.. I will cry.. I will be sad.. I will NOT forget this short pregnancy.. Some people may think.. a miscarriage is nothing.. but you have no idea.. The fact that I was told by those two little tiny lines that I was indeed pregnant.. after taking SEVERAL and I mean several tests that were positive.. I was already in love with my child.. then have all these people tell you about their stories giving you a slight chance of hope that maybe you are like them.. that you are just bleeding for some unknown reason.. trying not to get your hopes up even though you did..only to have that feeling ripped from you...  when the nurse who called me today was so sweet when she had to break the news to me.. she kept apologizing telling me she just knew how bad I was wanting this baby.. as soon as I heard her tone in her voice my heart sank I knew it was not good.. I held it together and Thanked her.. as I hung up the phone I told myself.. don't cry! You have to go back out in the living room and act like your okay.. So I came back out here to the living room and told Mom my levels went down.. I still didn't cry I thought I could hold it in but I couldn't.. as soon as I sent my husband that text message.. I lost it and I cried.. I've cried several other times since.. all the messages on FB are so sweet but sends the tears a'flowin.. I'm sure I'm not done crying yet.. I am now praying that I can pass all this on my own and do not have to have a D&C done.. only time and MORE blood work will tell until then I'll pray for the best.

Miscarried at 5weeks and 3days

Happy Birthday America 2012!

I hate that I don't blog for so long that I have to cram everything into one blog.. But until I blog like I should I'll continue to cram :)

First off lets go back to June 21st.. however I don't want to go back because my brother was on his way to work about 5:30AM and was in an accident with a semi. Thank the good Lord that he was with him and Adam was able to walk away from the accident with out even the littlest scratch on him. He was sore for a couple days after but that was it. How often do you hear someone surviving a wreck with a semi? Not too often.. I cried for a good 2 days afterwords... the thought of "what if" always crosses your mind.

We are a VERY close family and I've always been so protective of my little brother.. and this really shook me up.. not to mention the phone call I got later that night from him.. Him calling to tell me he loved me and that he was so very lucky and was just calling to tell me that he loved me.. I bawled after that phone call.. I bawled days later.. thinking about his "i love you" phone call.. He has such a tough guy exterior but we, his family, know the real Adam. We knew how scared and shook up he was and that broke my heart too.. the thought of him being so scared and being there alone til Mom got there.. Now dangit.. I am crying AGAIN.. so on to the next subject..

Right now I'm waiting on a phone call about my #3 round of tests. They were checking my pregnancy levels again to see if they went up.. Praying they did and my little peanut is just fine.. This round of tests were awful.. which was my fault.. I had not drank enough liquid before I went.. which means my veins are NON-existent.. the nurse tried 4 times.. then went and got me a capri sun lol

So I sat and drank that.. then my sister who works there came in and wanted to try.. she didn't get it.. so then the nurse came back in and put a hot compress on my forearm and a vein popped out and she was able to get it.. YAY! So 40minutes, a Capri Sun, hot compress and 6 pokes later we had BLOOD lol.. now you all see Why I hate blood work and literally CRY when I have to do it.. which I will admit this was MY fault for not drinking like I should have.. I will NOT forget next time lol.

I made for the 2nd time home made chimichangas... click **HERE** to go to my other blog and read about it and get the recipe. They were so much better this time lol I followed the "rules" aka recipe for deep frying lol.

Summer Time = Fresh Veggies! My in laws have a big ole garden.. and they always give us some yummy produce! I love them for this! I love them anyways but this is like adding an extra cherry to your sundae lol!

For the first time we went and watched fireworks at Boggs.. they were really good and I thought it was soo cool seeing all the boats on the lake.. We enjoyed them but it took us an HOUR to get out of the park.. it was crazy!

Of course we have a 4th of July celebration every year with my family.. this year it was at our house.. it was soo HOT but my good looking hubs did the cooking.. manning the grill in 100°+ weather.. We had a good time.. Later my brother set off fireworks for the kiddos before we headed to the park to watch the big fireworks which were by FAR the BEST Washington has ever had, that I can remember. I was very pleased.. and then of course my favorite part is everyone cheering after the Grand Finale.. for some reason I love that..

a small sigh of relief.. *UPDATED*

So I just got off the phone with the doctors office.. my hcg levels went up... they didn't double but they did go up which is a good thing.. at least they didn't go down. The doctor wasn't in to see when we need to schedule my next ultrasound. I should be getting a call from the nurse this evening or tomorrow with my appointment for our next ultrasound.. its still a waiting game. My heart and mind won't be content until I see my little peanut on the ultrasound screen with a heartbeat.. until then I will pray, ask for prayers and try not to stress.. HA!

**UPDATE**
The nurse called and I have round 3 of bloodwork Tuesday at 10.. Praying fiercely once again..

8 weeks?? Not so much~

So this past Saturday I hit the 8 week mark.. Last Monday I had some spotting.. then it stopped. Well the next couple days it was on and off.. nothing too much just an "on the toilet paper" kinda spotting.. So I called my sister who works at the OB/GYN that I go too and she assured me that it might not be anything since I wasn't cramping and it was just a little bit and to keep an eye on it.. well last night and this morning I was spotting again.. and seemed to be alittle more than before.. still no cramping *I don't think* so I called and got right in. Thank God they had an opening.. They did an U/S to check things out. The gestational sac is measuring 5weeks when it should be at 8weeks.. so they did blood work to check my pregnancy hormone levels and then will recheck Weds and we'll go from there... until then... I'm suppose to "not worry", "not stress about it", "have faith".. Easier said than done that's for sure.. but I'm trying.. as I said on my Facebook status.. "My heart is heavy, my hopes are low, my faith is high"

This past weekend I hit the 7 week mark.. So far baby has been nice to Mommy.. I've not been sick yet.. just the same with the waves of nausea at night.. nothing bad.. still sore boob though ;) I hope it remains this easy... I have purchased 2 items for the baby so far.. its so hard not to buy, buy, buy .. I did purchase this adorable little thing

I also purchased this Changing Table off Facebook for $10

Some other things that have been going on that I've wanted to document and haven't yet..

We had our 10 year Class Reunion on June 2nd.. It was nice and good to see some people I don't get to see that often..

Then on June 7th.. my cousin TJ and his Fiance were woke up by their neighbor banging on their doors and windows telling them their house was on fire.. Thank GOD that neighbor (who never wakes up in the night) woke up thirsty and saw that TJ's house was on fire and was able to get them to wake up and get out.. The house was a total loss.. But TJ Lisa and Koda (their dog) made it out safe.. Thank the Lord for their neighbor.. Also this was all with in a few weeks of their wedding coming up in June.. :(

Also my Grandma retired from the License Brand after 26 years.. I'm soo glad she's retired.. I think she needed this.

We've been getting some baby practice with Kamrin Lynn :) Kobe read Kami a story the other day... she loved it and sat so good while he read the entire book. She got real excited when he would show her the pictures... She is almost 4 months old already.. time flies so fast!

"Uncle Jason" loves him some Kami time too :)

And then of course we celebrated Father's Day this past Sunday ..

The small print on the shirt says "I don't discriminate, I hunt everything"

We had a boring and lazy weekend.. I kinda enjoyed it although the guys were soo bored.. we are used to being on the go go go so it was different to do nothing.. although the guys did enjoy some hot weather by washing the vehicles :)

6 Weeks..

Yesterday I hit the 6 weeks pregnant mark.. So far I've just had sore breasts, very sore I might add.. and some waves of nausea. I have not puked yet though. *knock on wood* I'm hoping that never happens. It didn't with Kobe so lets hope its the same.. Although I didn't have sore boobs with Kobe either.. I would have never known I was pregnant if it weren't for going to the doctor visits and when he could kick me lol My last pregnancy was a breeze.. I have a feeling I will have a boy again this time.. I was right last time with my "feelings".. Last time I knew I was having a boy and I KNEW I'd have to have a c-section and sure enough I was correct on both accounts lol So we Shall see..

Happy to announce

I'm pregnant!!!!!

Finally after 4 or 5 months of trying (yes I know thats not too long).. I found out on June 2nd that I'm pregnant.. I haven't been to the doctor yet but I'm guessing my estimated due date is Feb 2nd 2013.. seems so far away... Big brother Kobe is SO excited..

So far I've not been sick but just sudden rush of nausea comes and goes.. nothing that I have to hug the toilet.. I'm not a puke-er so there for I'll do anything not to puke so I'm glad its not come to that..I've just felt super bloated.. although my boobs hurt like crazy! They are sooo sore and tender.. and I'm sooo bitchy and cranky.. I have no patience what so ever for stupid people lol. So far so good.. I have my first OB appointment June 27th.. I hope they do an ultrasound but I bet they won't. Usually its just a nurse visit. Oh and we have names picked out already...
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Boy: Brett Alan Colvin
Girl: Jaycee Brooke Colvin

I don't care what the sex of the baby is as long as it is Healthy :)